Spotlight on Otis Gilkey

Did you know that Bernard "Innocent Until Proven" Gilkey was born Otis Bernard Gilkey? Dude's real name is Otis. And he changed it. If your first name was Otis, would you change it? Would you make people call you something else? I know I wouldn't. I'd be Otis for life. Why? Because Otis is one cool-ass name. Have you ever known an uncool Otis? I haven't. Otis Redding wrote some of the most-memorable songs in history, including the world's greatest ode to the twin pleasures of sitting and wasting time.

Otis Nixon was one cold-blooded base-stealer. Sure, he's battled a few personal demons over the years, but who hasn't?

Otis Thorpe has the supreme distinction of being part of not one... not two... but THREE bad NBA trades: in 1997, he was traded from Detroit to Vancouver for a first round pick, which could've paved the way for Carmelo, Dwyane, or Chris Bosh, but instead helped usher in the Darko Milicic era in Detroit. So that's pretty awesome. And in the following year, he was traded from the Kings, along with Mitch Richmond, to the Wizards for Chris Webber. Otis was also traded from Houston, along with some European dude, to Portland for Clyde the Glide.

And The Otis Elevator Company's fine products keep me from breaking a sweat on the stairs whenever I need to go from one floor to another. And for that I'm eternally grateful.

Also, there was this dude that Jeff used to work with who we called Otis, even though his real name was Eriq or something. He worked in the mail room. Or he drove a bus, or worked on the maintenance crew. It's kind of unclear. The point is, we called him Otis, even though it wasn't his name. We did this because he seemed like an Otis. He was also a shade on the creepy side, and therefore not a real Otis. Real Otises (Otii?) are smooth.

Otis Nixon has never lost a staring contest.
He can see through time.

So, as you can see, the name 'Otis' implies a certain sense of awesomeness not found in other names. It is also, hands-down, the greatest name for a dog. So Mr. Gilkey, if you're reading this, please, I implore you: change your name back to Otis. Then attempt a comeback. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised to see how things play out.