Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Monday, May 19, 2008
Gallagher to seek out Canseco
Unless this is a bit and he's wearing one of those muscle suits that can be inflated, Carrot Top got fucking huge.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Thy peerless chivalry reveal, Maryland! My Maryland!
This is one of my favorite weekends of the year, a celebration of Maryland, the food, the drink, and its upstanding people: Running on Urinals
Thursday, May 8, 2008
John Holmes Will Fuck Anything That Moves
It doesn't matter if sand traps are involved, or if you're a military ruler who's preventing humanitarian aid from reaching your cyclone-ravaged country. John Holmes will fuck you. Big time.
Gus Frerotte joins Team Tancredo
This was picked up by several news outlets, but frankly it's too good not to comment on. Heath Shuler, former Redskins mega-bust and current Congressman and Superdelegate, picked yesterday, the day after the North Carolina primary, to endorse... Hillary.
If he was a Hillary fan you think he would've, you know, tried to help her out before she got her ass kicked in his home state? If he was a political opportunist you think he'd pick the dude that virtually locked up the nomination. Alas, Heath found his own unique way of fucking things up.
[Speaking of Heath, 1994 Draft is so underrated bad it's scary. In a redo the Top 5 picks probably goes: Larry Allen, Marshall Faulk, Ike Bruce, Rodney Harrison, and Kevin Mawae/Bryant Young/ or Willie McGinest. The skill position players are horrendous. After Ike and Marshall, the next best back is Chuck Garner or Jamal Anderson (RIP, probably), the next best wideout is, um, Johnny Morton? The worst part is that Shuler is legitimately the third or fourth best QB in this class (after Dilfer, Gus, and maybe Jim Miller). Yikes.]
If he was a Hillary fan you think he would've, you know, tried to help her out before she got her ass kicked in his home state? If he was a political opportunist you think he'd pick the dude that virtually locked up the nomination. Alas, Heath found his own unique way of fucking things up.
[Speaking of Heath, 1994 Draft is so underrated bad it's scary. In a redo the Top 5 picks probably goes: Larry Allen, Marshall Faulk, Ike Bruce, Rodney Harrison, and Kevin Mawae/Bryant Young/ or Willie McGinest. The skill position players are horrendous. After Ike and Marshall, the next best back is Chuck Garner or Jamal Anderson (RIP, probably), the next best wideout is, um, Johnny Morton? The worst part is that Shuler is legitimately the third or fourth best QB in this class (after Dilfer, Gus, and maybe Jim Miller). Yikes.]
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Hip-Hop Wednesday
Wait, what's Hip-Hop Wednesday? Whatever happened to Hip-Hop Recommendations from a White Guy? That was pretty short-lived, eh? Where's your commitment, son? This is no way to run a blog! What about your loyal readers--er, reader?
Stop asking so many questions! It's not Question-Asking Thursday yet! It's Hip-Hop Wednesday! God damn. Here's your weekly or monthly or whenever the fuck I get around to it...ly hip-hop fix:
Artist: GZA
Album: Liquid Swords
Key Tracks: Liquid Swords, 4th Chamber, Shadowboxin', Labels, Investigative Reports, Living in the World Today, Gold, eh, pretty much the whole album.
I bought the Liquid Swords cassette single when it was released in 1995. I listened to it once and immediately bought the whole album. And while the formats have changed over the years from tape to CD to mp3, I've been listening to it ever since. This is hip-hop's 'Born to Run' or 'Highway 61.' Just an amazing album from a genius performing at the top of his game.
Stop asking so many questions! It's not Question-Asking Thursday yet! It's Hip-Hop Wednesday! God damn. Here's your weekly or monthly or whenever the fuck I get around to it...ly hip-hop fix:
Artist: GZA
Album: Liquid Swords
Key Tracks: Liquid Swords, 4th Chamber, Shadowboxin', Labels, Investigative Reports, Living in the World Today, Gold, eh, pretty much the whole album.
I bought the Liquid Swords cassette single when it was released in 1995. I listened to it once and immediately bought the whole album. And while the formats have changed over the years from tape to CD to mp3, I've been listening to it ever since. This is hip-hop's 'Born to Run' or 'Highway 61.' Just an amazing album from a genius performing at the top of his game.
Oakley's Cafe
Apparently Charles Oakley is hawking his own cooking show. I'm not sure who would turn down the most horrifying man on the planet? Regardless, someone did exactly what I would've done, but 1000 times better and created a fake-Oakley recipe. This is incredible: link here.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Spotlight on Otis Gilkey
Did you know that Bernard "Innocent Until Proven" Gilkey was born Otis Bernard Gilkey? Dude's real name is Otis. And he changed it. If your first name was Otis, would you change it? Would you make people call you something else? I know I wouldn't. I'd be Otis for life. Why? Because Otis is one cool-ass name. Have you ever known an uncool Otis? I haven't. Otis Redding wrote some of the most-memorable songs in history, including the world's greatest ode to the twin pleasures of sitting and wasting time.
Otis Nixon was one cold-blooded base-stealer. Sure, he's battled a few personal demons over the years, but who hasn't?
Otis Thorpe has the supreme distinction of being part of not one... not two... but THREE bad NBA trades: in 1997, he was traded from Detroit to Vancouver for a first round pick, which could've paved the way for Carmelo, Dwyane, or Chris Bosh, but instead helped usher in the Darko Milicic era in Detroit. So that's pretty awesome. And in the following year, he was traded from the Kings, along with Mitch Richmond, to the Wizards for Chris Webber. Otis was also traded from Houston, along with some European dude, to Portland for Clyde the Glide.
And The Otis Elevator Company's fine products keep me from breaking a sweat on the stairs whenever I need to go from one floor to another. And for that I'm eternally grateful.
Also, there was this dude that Jeff used to work with who we called Otis, even though his real name was Eriq or something. He worked in the mail room. Or he drove a bus, or worked on the maintenance crew. It's kind of unclear. The point is, we called him Otis, even though it wasn't his name. We did this because he seemed like an Otis. He was also a shade on the creepy side, and therefore not a real Otis. Real Otises (Otii?) are smooth.
So, as you can see, the name 'Otis' implies a certain sense of awesomeness not found in other names. It is also, hands-down, the greatest name for a dog. So Mr. Gilkey, if you're reading this, please, I implore you: change your name back to Otis. Then attempt a comeback. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised to see how things play out.
Otis Nixon was one cold-blooded base-stealer. Sure, he's battled a few personal demons over the years, but who hasn't?
Otis Thorpe has the supreme distinction of being part of not one... not two... but THREE bad NBA trades: in 1997, he was traded from Detroit to Vancouver for a first round pick, which could've paved the way for Carmelo, Dwyane, or Chris Bosh, but instead helped usher in the Darko Milicic era in Detroit. So that's pretty awesome. And in the following year, he was traded from the Kings, along with Mitch Richmond, to the Wizards for Chris Webber. Otis was also traded from Houston, along with some European dude, to Portland for Clyde the Glide.
And The Otis Elevator Company's fine products keep me from breaking a sweat on the stairs whenever I need to go from one floor to another. And for that I'm eternally grateful.
Also, there was this dude that Jeff used to work with who we called Otis, even though his real name was Eriq or something. He worked in the mail room. Or he drove a bus, or worked on the maintenance crew. It's kind of unclear. The point is, we called him Otis, even though it wasn't his name. We did this because he seemed like an Otis. He was also a shade on the creepy side, and therefore not a real Otis. Real Otises (Otii?) are smooth.
Otis Nixon has never lost a staring contest.
He can see through time.
He can see through time.
So, as you can see, the name 'Otis' implies a certain sense of awesomeness not found in other names. It is also, hands-down, the greatest name for a dog. So Mr. Gilkey, if you're reading this, please, I implore you: change your name back to Otis. Then attempt a comeback. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised to see how things play out.
Friday, May 2, 2008
All that's missing is the Shriners...
This has been simply been the most entertaining first round series in recent memory.Gil and DeShawn say they want the Cavs.
LBJ compares himself to (member of the Turtle Club) Jay-Z and DeShawn to Soulja Boy. Cavs go up 2-0.
DeShawn invites Soulja Boy to Game 3 and the Wiz get back into the series.
LBJ rents out Love, home to Gil's epic birthday bash two years ago, and Jay-Z writes a song backing LBJ and the Cavs. Damon Jones gets on the mic and starts ripping into DeShawn.
The Wizards boycott Love and talk more shit. Cavs take a commanding 3-1 back to C-town.
DeShawn decides to say "Fuck it" and rock the Dogkiller in the Cleve.
Tuff Juice extends the series doing his best LeBron. Cavs 3-2, back to Chocolate City.
Eddie Jordan used the word swag (verb meaning swagger).
And now local rapper Pro'Verb has written an anthem for Game 6: here
I'm giving serious consideration to buying/making a Nickolai Volkoff Bullets jersey.
I'm giddy for tonight.
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