Much like Milli Vanilli

Even if this is fake, it's well done: http://www.jonesbigasstruckrentalandstorage.com/

Today's Lesser Known Good Music

There was a time, for like a week or two, where Ryan and I would scoot on over to The Out List with random musings and stories like "how to frito-up that salad?". Well I'm here to revive the O.L. as a forum of random and pointless drivel with today's installation of decidedly Jeff songs.

First off, let me point out that today's edition is mostly the product of Pandora. How to profess my love of Pandora without sounding too creepy? Hmm, how about: if Pandora was a dude, I'd stalk it out good on facebone, maybe wall-to-wall that shit, play it slow, play it slow, then WHAM, invite it to our fantasy football league. Anyway, onto the music.

Damien Jurado is an artist that's been around for sometime, apparently, but I'm just now discovering. To use a comparison that will make sense to three people (one being me, one being the dude from Neutral Milk Hotel, and one being Josh Ritter): if the dude from Neutral Milk Hotel sung the slow Josh Ritter songs, he'd be Damien Jurado. His songs are personal, lyrical, and somewhat haunting. He immediately won me over with this song, Ohio. (Dear God please ignore the horrific and painfully literal video of these first year BU communications majors- seriously, minimize that shit). Quick aside, is there a more underrated state to sing about? Anyway, thus far I've really enjoyed Damien Jurado; Ohio and Letters and Drawings have been personal favorites.

Keb'Mo is a dude you want to hang out with. Nearest I can tell he's like the black Jack Johnson (ironic given that Jack Johnson is like the blackest name going). Keb'Mo ranges from the whimsical, like Life is Beautiful (which is almost a play on Somewhere over the Rainbow ) to southern blues; see the below Folsom Prison Johnny shout-out. I also loved his Muddy Waters tribute seen here (fast forward to 0:50, though not too far or you'll miss Billy Smooth).



I have quite a few others that I'd like to post, but Out List don't care, Out List don't even need thumbs. Before I log out, check out Parrots by Alexis Harte. I thought this song was an unbelievably unique and bouncy folk jam. Really liked it.

Anyway, we're back Out List. At least for another week or two.

Is Grimace gonna have to choke a bitch?

I haven’t been to McDonald’s in well over a year, but I went today and I confirmed that it’s been far too long.

First off, I got a Southwest chicken salad, which is a essentially normal garden salad but with spicy chicken and a bag of Fritos dumped on top. McDonald’s you’ve done it again!

Next, the hobo congregation both in- and out-side of McDonald’s is really unchallenged. This one particularly rank dude in the line in front of me orders a side salad and large fries (huh?). He then proceeds to take the top off the side salad, while at the counter, and remove every tomato and questionable piece of lettuce directly onto the counter. While doing this (and holding up the line behind him) he asks the cashier “would you believe me if I told you I’ve seen The Rock?”

The Hispanic dude behind the counter gives him a blank stare.

“Yup, Dwayne Johnson…. one time I saw him in person”. (he continues to place brown lettuce on the counter).

He gets progressively louder and louder “MOST PEOPLE WOULDN’T HAVE GUESSED THAT I’VE SEEN THE ROCK… HE’S A PRETTY BIG DEAL… (trails off)… YUP, DWAYNE JOHNSON… SAW HIM LIVE…”

It’s unclear why he was getting so loud? Perhaps he was hoping a Dwayne Johnson-fan was within ear-shot and would put him up for a night or two?

Regardless, McDonald’s, with its corn chip salad and demented clientele, plans to be frequented more often by yours truly.

While I can't smell what The Rock is cooking, I do smell BO and urine...

Take that Swanson's

Not to (surely) sound like our Dads here but why is it when I want to rotate a document in Adobe Acrobat it takes like a fuckin' hour to figure out how? Seriously, what do you need to do in Adobe? 1) Sometimes adjust the size up or down and, 2) Rotate. Sure I can "review and comment" or "Password Encrypt" quite easily, but where is the big fuckin' ROTATE button?

Decidedly Asian Show of the Day

Gallagher to seek out Canseco

Unless this is a bit and he's wearing one of those muscle suits that can be inflated, Carrot Top got fucking huge.

When Weaver moves and we score the runs

Orioles Magic... Why (the fuck) Not?

Orioles Magic 2008
by gatecitycanes

Thy peerless chivalry reveal, Maryland! My Maryland!

This is one of my favorite weekends of the year, a celebration of Maryland, the food, the drink, and its upstanding people: Running on Urinals

John Holmes Will Fuck Anything That Moves

It doesn't matter if sand traps are involved, or if you're a military ruler who's preventing humanitarian aid from reaching your cyclone-ravaged country. John Holmes will fuck you. Big time.

Gus Frerotte joins Team Tancredo

This was picked up by several news outlets, but frankly it's too good not to comment on. Heath Shuler, former Redskins mega-bust and current Congressman and Superdelegate, picked yesterday, the day after the North Carolina primary, to endorse... Hillary.

If he was a Hillary fan you think he would've, you know, tried to help her out before she got her ass kicked in his home state? If he was a political opportunist you think he'd pick the dude that virtually locked up the nomination. Alas, Heath found his own unique way of fucking things up.

[Speaking of Heath, 1994 Draft is so underrated bad it's scary. In a redo the Top 5 picks probably goes: Larry Allen, Marshall Faulk, Ike Bruce, Rodney Harrison, and Kevin Mawae/Bryant Young/ or Willie McGinest. The skill position players are horrendous. After Ike and Marshall, the next best back is Chuck Garner or Jamal Anderson (RIP, probably), the next best wideout is, um, Johnny Morton? The worst part is that Shuler is legitimately the third or fourth best QB in this class (after Dilfer, Gus, and maybe Jim Miller). Yikes.]

Hip-Hop Wednesday

Wait, what's Hip-Hop Wednesday? Whatever happened to Hip-Hop Recommendations from a White Guy? That was pretty short-lived, eh? Where's your commitment, son? This is no way to run a blog! What about your loyal readers--er, reader?

Stop asking so many questions! It's not Question-Asking Thursday yet! It's Hip-Hop Wednesday! God damn. Here's your weekly or monthly or whenever the fuck I get around to it...ly hip-hop fix:

Artist: GZA
Album: Liquid Swords
Key Tracks: Liquid Swords, 4th Chamber, Shadowboxin', Labels, Investigative Reports, Living in the World Today, Gold, eh, pretty much the whole album.

I bought the Liquid Swords cassette single when it was released in 1995. I listened to it once and immediately bought the whole album. And while the formats have changed over the years from tape to CD to mp3, I've been listening to it ever since. This is hip-hop's 'Born to Run' or 'Highway 61.' Just an amazing album from a genius performing at the top of his game.

Oakley's Cafe

Apparently Charles Oakley is hawking his own cooking show. I'm not sure who would turn down the most horrifying man on the planet? Regardless, someone did exactly what I would've done, but 1000 times better and created a fake-Oakley recipe. This is incredible: link here.

Spotlight on Otis Gilkey

Did you know that Bernard "Innocent Until Proven" Gilkey was born Otis Bernard Gilkey? Dude's real name is Otis. And he changed it. If your first name was Otis, would you change it? Would you make people call you something else? I know I wouldn't. I'd be Otis for life. Why? Because Otis is one cool-ass name. Have you ever known an uncool Otis? I haven't. Otis Redding wrote some of the most-memorable songs in history, including the world's greatest ode to the twin pleasures of sitting and wasting time.

Otis Nixon was one cold-blooded base-stealer. Sure, he's battled a few personal demons over the years, but who hasn't?

Otis Thorpe has the supreme distinction of being part of not one... not two... but THREE bad NBA trades: in 1997, he was traded from Detroit to Vancouver for a first round pick, which could've paved the way for Carmelo, Dwyane, or Chris Bosh, but instead helped usher in the Darko Milicic era in Detroit. So that's pretty awesome. And in the following year, he was traded from the Kings, along with Mitch Richmond, to the Wizards for Chris Webber. Otis was also traded from Houston, along with some European dude, to Portland for Clyde the Glide.

And The Otis Elevator Company's fine products keep me from breaking a sweat on the stairs whenever I need to go from one floor to another. And for that I'm eternally grateful.

Also, there was this dude that Jeff used to work with who we called Otis, even though his real name was Eriq or something. He worked in the mail room. Or he drove a bus, or worked on the maintenance crew. It's kind of unclear. The point is, we called him Otis, even though it wasn't his name. We did this because he seemed like an Otis. He was also a shade on the creepy side, and therefore not a real Otis. Real Otises (Otii?) are smooth.

Otis Nixon has never lost a staring contest.
He can see through time.

So, as you can see, the name 'Otis' implies a certain sense of awesomeness not found in other names. It is also, hands-down, the greatest name for a dog. So Mr. Gilkey, if you're reading this, please, I implore you: change your name back to Otis. Then attempt a comeback. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised to see how things play out.

All that's missing is the Shriners...

This has been simply been the most entertaining first round series in recent memory.

Gil and DeShawn say they want the Cavs.

LBJ compares himself to (member of the Turtle Club) Jay-Z and DeShawn to Soulja Boy. Cavs go up 2-0.

DeShawn invites Soulja Boy to Game 3 and the Wiz get back into the series.

LBJ rents out Love, home to Gil's epic birthday bash two years ago, and Jay-Z writes a song backing LBJ and the Cavs. Damon Jones gets on the mic and starts ripping into DeShawn.

The Wizards boycott Love and talk more shit. Cavs take a commanding 3-1 back to C-town.

DeShawn decides to say "Fuck it" and rock the Dogkiller in the Cleve.

Tuff Juice extends the series doing his best LeBron. Cavs 3-2, back to Chocolate City.

Eddie Jordan used the word swag (verb meaning swagger).

And now local rapper Pro'Verb has written an anthem for Game 6: here

I'm giving serious consideration to buying/making a Nickolai Volkoff Bullets jersey.

I'm giddy for tonight.

Lookin' Good Beast

I was just thinking about our reunion; I have no idea if there will be one or not, and I have no idea if we'll go (we'll as in you and me, Ryan). If there is, what's the likely that Nick Myers uses to the below routine? I'd say about as good as Brian Gallagher wearing John's flannel or Tim Barnes showing up, not for the reunion, but for work.

Keeping up with My Giant

Yesterday I had the good fortune to sit courtside while LeBron and Co. ripped my heart out. While the game was a borderline stomach punch, to sit that close in a crucial playoff game versus LBJ was incredible. Here are some picture highlights:

Our Seats:

LeBron's head grazing the rim during warm-ups:

One dude that loved my Baltimore Bullets shirt...?

Wes Unseld (sitting on the right). Dude ate three bags of peanuts and never drank anything. That's how Wes rolls.

Just when we thought we'd had our fill of Bullets celebs out walks Gheorge "My Giant" Muresan

My camera was two seconds to late to capture the Wes-Gheorge embrace. I'm furious at myself. Basically I just threw away millions of dollars in poster money.

Oh, there was a game too; LBJ and Tawn chat while Mike Brown (little Roker) tells the ref about his post-it note playbook that reads "Give it to LeBron, LeBron do good stuff, thank LeBron for the opportunity, ask brother about tomorrow's weather"

Whiskey!

Whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. Brownest of the brown liquors... source of inner warmth in a cold, cold world… destroyer of brain cells… sleep-inducing nectar of the gods, how I love thee.

I'm usually a Maker's man (OK, that's a bit of a lie. I'm really more of a "whatever's nearby and free" man), but I think I have a new favorite: Elijah Craig. I know the name sounds more like that of a troubled NFL running back than a delicious bourbon, but trust me on this: Elijah Craig is the truth. It's the bourbon equivalent of Jules Winnfield's wallet: the label should say Bad Motherfucker on it. It's smooth, yet tough. Rugged, yet inviting. Cuddly, yet pointy in parts. Plus, it's relatively cheap. I think my bottle cost me around $20. And it's named for the dude who allegedly invented bourbon. Buy a bottle. It'll getcha drunk!

Get Rich or Ty Tryon

I saw a sign today offering a $500 reward for information that leads to the capture of anyone who sprays graffiti on a public building.

Then, I read that a New Yorker was recently fined $300 for a "graffiti-related" offense.

$300 fine? $500 reward? That's called a $200 profit where I'm from, son.

So who's with me? I'll spray-paint the building. You turn me in. I pay the fine. You collect the $500. We split the resulting $200 70/30. I get $140 for my troubles. You get $60 for being a good and noble citizen.

* It should be noted that my "tag" is an elaborate cuneiform symbol that, when translated, means "Urdu" in Spanish and "Spanish" in Urdu. I'm just saying that it might take some time for me to paint this, is all. So I might get caught before we can cash in. Keep this in mind.

** It should also be noted that fining someone for chalk drawings is fucking insane.

*** It should be further noted to any authorities or potential future employers that I am totally kidding about all of this. Besides, $200 is small-time. If I'm in a swindlin' mood, it's Ponzi Schemes all the way for me.

Skins to sure up line with Soda Popinski

Just when I really want to hate the Cowboys even more, they go and sign Adam Jones.

They're an Underwood and a Phillips away from making me marginally indifferent towards Dallas. And that scares the shit out of me.

Not really a name... more of a thick soup

I know we've discussed this before, but you know what's fucking good? Stew.

Cosi has this Tomato Basil Aurora "soup" that's really just thick tomato sauce served with their bread. As a man whose diet primarily revolves around sauces and what can be dipped into said sauces, I cannot recommend this "soup" highly enough.